“Be careful who you pretend to be, because in the end you are who you pretend to be.”
Day 23 Morning Scorecard and Grief Self-Reflection:
Stockholm Syndrome: Loving Your Captor
When a person "bonds" with their captor it is known as Stockholm Syndrome. This disorder is named after a victim of a bank robbery that eventually joined with the gang that held her prisoner. After her captivity, the victim even participated in future robberies as a gang ally. From a distance, this sounds like ludicrous behavior. However, when we turn the mirror on ourselves we can see that we do the same thing every day. Take for instance, our current behavior with smartphones, high-fat food, alcohol, or drugs. These agents have symbolically and sometimes literally become our "captors." However, we don't run away from them at full speed, we defend our use and bond further with the very thing that is keeping us enslaved. When questioned about our overuse of alcohol or technology we makeup excuses or hide our behavior, embarrassed we have become so dependent on something that to an outside observer seems harmful.
FACT: Traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.
TAKEAWAY: We can become bonded and attached to people, substances, or technology that cause us harm.
Optimal Visualization: Be Who You Think You Are
Many of us have heard of the "law of attraction," which basically states that you should focus on what you want and it will come true. While wishing a parking spot to open up at a busy grocery store is unlikely to wield any results. This “law” is true is a more general sense. If you prime your brain to look for certain outcomes this does give your unconscious brain the job of searching that outcome out. This causes a lot of behind the scenes work that comes across to our “astonished” minds as serendipitous. The reality of this phenomenon is that your brain is primed to search out patterns and if you give it starting material it will search out the most likely result. For instance, if I say the words “one”, “two”, “three," most likely the next world that will pop into your head is “four.” This isn’t amazing, it's just the brain doing what it's supposed to do, predicting patterns. So if you want to improve the quality of your life it's important to visualize the outcomes you want. When you put a "pattern" into your head of what a happy life looks like, your brain will be naturally primed to continue that pattern in the real world. These types of self-fulfilling prophecies are not magic or spiritual but can result in better outcomes if you take the time to imagine the life you want.
FACT: Researchers had subjects visualize themselves playing a set of music on the piano for multiple days. Then without ever touching the musical instrument itself, the subjects showed physical alterations in the part of their brains that deal with music and motor skills.
TAKEAWAY: Visualization is a powerful tool to help shape your brain.
“Begin with the end in mind.”