“I have lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
Day 11 Morning Scorecard and Personality Self-Reflection:
Self Verification Theory: You Are Who You Think You Are
The brain loves consistency and once you have developed a certain self-concept, your brain will distort reality to fit that filter. For those with a positive self-image, this means they have a protective shield against criticism but also a strong barrier that stifles them from growing. For those with a negative self-image this means that incoming positive feedback will feel uncomfortable and negative criticism will feel like a well-worn sweater. For instance, if a child is told they are a “bad student," but get a good grade in science, the child's brain may concoct reasons why they didn't deserve the grade in order to maintain a consistent self-concept. This type of self-verification is common because it allows the brain to see one reality instead of two, making less work for the mind. It may seem counter-intuitive that the brain would work against its own best interest, but in reality, the brain cares more about efficiency than it does how good you feel about yourself. A conflicted brain is a confused brain, so your brain tends to favor consistency over the mental energy needed to integrate new information. This doesn't mean the brain will never change its mind about your capabilities, but it needs influential and repeated stimuli to change its directional course.
FACT: Married women who have a self-reported negative view of themselves will stay in their relationships longer if their partner also has a negative view of them. If their partners view them positively they are more likely to get divorced.
TAKEAWAY: People innately want to confirm their already held beliefs about themselves. This makes their brains do less work, so people will continue to look for “consistent” information about themselves, even if that information is negative.
Negativity Bias: Evolution Screwed Us
Our brains still run off the paradigm that it's “better safe than sorry,” so we will always see potential problems before we see the opportunities. Evolution has dictated that if a tiger and a berry bush are in front of you, it's more advantageous to see the tiger first. This is why two-thirds of the neurons in your amygdala (emotions center) are primed to see negative stimuli first. Your brain does this not to piss you off but to protect you. In today's world, we are in a much safer position than ten thousand years ago but the mind's programming is slow to catch up. Therefore, instead of seeing tigers around every corner we see potential threats in the eyes of strangers or fear rejection from those closest to us. This tendency of the brain to think of the worst-case scenario isn't back up by statistics or probabilities but is instead perpetuated by a brain that sees risk before the reward. To counteract this instinct we need to distract the fight or flight system until our rational brains can catch up. Meditation and mindfulness are just one way to do this, but probably the most successful because they deliver a neutral stimuli to our amygdalas telling our emotion center that the outside world is safe. Similar to the way you would starve a grease fire of oxygen by putting a pot over it instead of irritating it with water.
FACT: Your brain’s inner critic is called the medial prefrontal cortex and filters through information as it comes into your awareness, always looking for how new stimuli relates to you.
TAKEAWAY: Your brain wants to make everything about you. Once you realize the world doesn’t revolve around you the less stress and anxiety you will feel.
“Just like your body if you give you mind an impossible task it will break.”